Where do I start with this...?
I'm sure most of us have at least heard of those oh-so high quality, cleverly named movies on the Sci-Fi channel (oops, I mean Syfy, because that makes so much more sense). And I bet most of us have watched (or at least attempted to watch) at least one of them. You know, those movies like Dinoshark, Arachnoquake, Piranhaconda, 2-Headed Shark Attack, Pegasus vs. Chimera. Recently there was Sharknado, which, for some reason I'm sure I'll never understand, has somehow become popular enough to warrant theatrical release and a sequel. Astonishing. For all the wrong reasons.
What's more, I actually sat down recently and watched Sharknado. The whole thing. (Embarrassing, I know, but I guess I'm just that kind of masochist.) I don't know why, but for some reason I now feel compelled to express my sentiments on this particular movie. So here it goes.
Honestly, Sharknado is downright dreadful. It's about waterspouts that suck up a bunch of sharks and thereafter flood the city of Los Angeles with shark-infested waters. How ridiculous does that sound? Pretty darn so. But even though it is so horrible, I couldn't stop watching. I just couldn't. I remember recently coming across a review of Sharknado in which someone stated that the movie is so bad, it's good. And I guess, for lack of better words, that's how I felt while watching it. The movie is absolutely horrid in all respects (acting, dialogue, special effects, action sequences, plot...you name it, it is terrible). Yet, although I am embarrassed to admit it, I almost enjoyed watching it. The only reason I can come up with for my enjoyment of it is the fact that it is so utterly laughable. Really, I laughed so hard I cried, so hard I felt sick to my stomach. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.
Now don't get me wrong. This movie is not meant to be funny (at least I don't think it is, I'm not entirely sure). But regardless, it is funny. Hilarious. Sidesplittingly so. There are countless reigning moments of unintentional (I think) hilarity that I just can't get past. Just to give a better idea of what I'm talking about, I'll summarize some of those scenes here:
1. A heroic old man (and a randy one at that) saves a woman and her dog from imminent danger, with the help of a barstool, of course. He then meets an untimely end when he is swept up by a shark-infested wave of water. As one of the sharks engulfs him, clearly in the process of making lunch out of his head, the old man's dying words are, "Ow!"...Ow? That's it? If I even had the cognizance to waste my breath on speech while being attacked by a shark, my choice of words would certainly be far more colorful than a mere, "Ow."
2. After some befuddling sequence of events, the main characters are being preyed upon by a shark in a flooded living room. After another ridiculous series of events that involve a baseball bat, blood-spurting appendages, and a bookshelf, the surviving characters stare into the heavily blood-tinted water only to have one of them proclaim, "Looks like it's that time of the month."...Yeah. It doesn't get much classier than that.
3. Some explosives are loaded into a helicopter. The helicopter is flown within throwing distance of a few tornadoes. The explosives are thrown into the tornadoes. The obedient tornadoes dissipate and leave the world to better, happier times. Um, okay. But what I found even better was that during this scene, the pilot pulls the helicopter right up next to one of the tornadoes and then informs his explosive-wielding passenger, "There it is! To your left!"...Thanks, but I'm pretty sure she could see the huge whirling dervish of a tornado without your help, buddy. Way to go, Captain Obvious.
4. A man kills a bunch of a sharks that happen to be flying up in the sky with a piddly handgun. All of them are one-shot kills. Shooting one-handed. And not even aiming. Oh, and then he proceeds to pick up a chainsaw and slice a shark perfectly in half when it comes flying at him. And then a bit later, when yet another shark comes flying at him, he ends up jumping, chainsaw in hand, right into its mouth in a touching (funny haha) act of sacrifice. But fear not, for he cuts himself out of the shark, using his chainsaw, of course. Oh, and then, once freed, he reaches back inside the shark and pulls out another eaten victim. And after about two seconds of CPR she's perfectly fine, even though she was within the shark's stomach for, I don't know, at least half an hour. And they all live happily ever after...So, yeah. I don't even know what to say at this point. There really just are no words.
So I guess that's it. Sharknado. I really don't know why I felt the need to watch that movie, let alone share my sentiments on it. But I did. My IQ certainly didn't fare well with that, but oh well. It was all in good fun. I guess.
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